Written by Rachel Cook
Wednesday, 15 July 2009 10:51
LESBIAN ICONOCLASTS
An international poll has revealed that Angelina Jolie is the ultimate lesbian heroine.
The survey asked 2600 lesbians to rate who they thought are they top lesbian icons and they came up with the following: 1) Jolie; 2) Madonna; 3) Pink; 4) Martina Navratilova; 5) Ellen DeGeneres; 6) Kylie Minogue; 7) Lady Gaga; 8) Annie Lennox; 9) Beyoncé; 10) Germaine Greer; 11) Liza Minnelli; 12) Gwen Stefani; 13) Cher; 14) Janet Jackson; 15) Tori Amos; 16) Britney Spears; 17) Cyndi Lauper; 18) Scarlet Johansson; 19) Sarah Jessica Parker; and 20) Dolly Parton.
That Jolie has topped our dream list is no surprise, we deigned her our Queen back in 1998 when she portrayed real life lesbian super model Gia. The fact that ex-girlfriend Jenny Shimizu can still get headlines from her affair with Jolie is testimony to not just ours, but the whole world’s obsession with Jolie’s sexuality. However, the majority of the other top lesbian heroines are questionable to say the least.
What were some of the poll-ees thinking when they voted for Britney Spears? Are we that shallow that all it took was one staged kiss with Madonna to capture our imagination? Maybe it was the shaved head. Surely it couldn’t be the snatch shots.
Then there is Janet Jackson. Why? What about Sarah Jessica Parker? What a slap in the face to the real Sex and the City lesbian, Cynthia Nixon. Obviously we’ll choose a straight bottle blonde over a ranga lesbian any day. I guess at least Scarlet is a real blonde.
There were clearly some gay men masquerading as lesbians who were polled because – hello – Minogue, Minnelli and CHER! Cher, who went “ballistic” when her daughter Chastity came out. Nice.
As only two real lesbians made the list obviously sexuality is not a priority when choosing a lesbian icon. kd lang, Melissa Etheridge and the Indigo Girls were up for offer but no thanks we’ll take Madonna, Pink and Cyndi Lauper. Rosie O’Donnell came nowhere near making the cut but then again no group wants to claim her, especially lesbians we have successfully managed to ignore the fact that she ever came out. And even though Ellen comes in at number five, where’s her wife? I guess we’re only interested in the big, big names.
Even the one who started it all, Sappho, was nowhere in sight. Great thinkers such as Susan Sontag? No thanks, we’ll take Dolly Parton. Great talents such as Annie Leibowitz or Virginia Woolf? We say ‘Annie and Virginia who?’, and pass them over for Beyonce.
And where were any of the old favourites? Obviously there were some diehard 80s lesbians still pining for Annie Lennox, but where was that other object of lesbian fantasy, Ani Di Franco? It seems we also prefer the old standards in sport too – new breed tennis leso, Amelie Mauresmo, didn’t stand a chance against Navratilova.
The only saving grace was that Paris Hilton didn’t make the list. Word has it she was close though.
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